did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
