I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
