On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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