you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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