Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
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I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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