I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
