why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
