Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
