Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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