I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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