Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
