Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
