Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
oh god the rape fog is back!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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