I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
