you would pick up someone in the library
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
