Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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