____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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