I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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