You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
