I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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