Tell her she can't have a vagina
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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