By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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