dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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