Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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