I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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