If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
