Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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