remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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