Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
