Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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