Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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