My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
