Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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