Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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