I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
