Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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