I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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