but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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