My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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