There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
