I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
