so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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