everyone is single if you try hard enough
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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