I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
