Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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