i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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