i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
