And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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