ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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