While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
