He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We need to rekindle our bromance
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How's work?
Spinning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
