3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
