If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
