You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
