seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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