I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
