On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
