That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
