You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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