if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
