Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
