two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
