she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
