I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
