can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
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i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I love you.
Bad choice
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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