We named our party play list daddy issues
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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