Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dick very happy bro
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
