You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
