would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
