I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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