I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My life is pants optional.
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