Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
