I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
