woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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