Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
