Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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