No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
