I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
