i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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