Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
