Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
